We have to resume our discussions with people who have views that are different from ours. Before 2016 we were able to do this. We didn’t agree on things, but that didn’t sever the conversation. We have to get back to that.
I don’t think that our country’s problems are going to be solved if we continue to not talk with one another. A few years ago, I had a conversation about gun control with someone who has gun knowledge. He had a lot of information about guns that I was not aware of and I learned from the conversation and I understood better the views of people who see value in owning guns. I still think that assault weapons should not be in the hands of civilians. But I have a better understanding of some gun facts and other viewpoints because I had a conversation with someone on the other side about it. Conversation is kind of like lubricant that makes society run better, especially if we talk through differences. Simply understanding someone else’s view helps even if neither party changes their mind. But in our very polarized society now, conversations across the aisle are difficult and unpleasant.
Maybe we can set up some rules for conversations to make them easier.
Ask someone who you disagree with why they feel the way they do. Don’t judge – listen. Then ask if they would listen to your view also - even without changing their mind.
Listen to the person you are communicating with instead of planning what you will say next.
Repeat back what you understand them to have said so they feel heard.
Do not attempt to convince, or to change the other person’s mind. The goal need only be to understand each other.
Respect the other person’s right to their own opinion, even if you think they are wrong.
Do not tell the other person they are wrong. Be diplomatic.
The goal here is to get conversations going again. Not to come to an agreement. In the long term, I believe this could bring us closer together.
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